9:57am
>:(
1:55pm
i literally laid in bed until basically 2pm today. i spent most of yesterday writing my stupid overdue essay so today i have zero
mental energy and mostly just doom scrolled :/ i am trying to figure out a way to block youtube on the home network without
blocking youtube music or being able to bypass it with vpn. because i always end up watching youtube shorts for a very long time.
also the internet makes me feel insecure because there are always toxic people on there, which is annoying because i was just
starting to not be as insecure! at least it is better than like 2-3 years ago when the same thing would happen but i would force
myself to read toxic comments all day because i thought i just deserve to feel insecure and hate myself or whatever. i am very
amazed that i got out of being depressed just by doing a bunch of excessive journalling and not going to therapy at all lol. maybe
because i did try going to therapy but the lady was a bit nasty. like i remember i told her "yeah sometimes its really hard for me
to focus and i'm never motivated so i just end up playing minecraft forever" and she was like "wow playing minecraft is super
childish for someone your age." which ok maybe she wasn't trying to be mean, but she had this condescending tone about it. and ofc
i had already low self esteem bc literally everyone always calls me immature. also like teens are a huge part of the minecraf
-playing demographic so idk where she was coming from. and it was a really embarrassing experience in general so then i was like,
i am never going to go to therapy ever!! i mean, why would i want to be vulnerable like that with some stranger (cause she also
asked me about like my love life and random stuff and i ended up crying and things because ofc i was not over my stupid ex). but
lately i keep thinking like maybe i should go to therapy because i am kind of unstable and have a really bad lifestyle that
involves laying in bed until 2pm because of being mentally drained. and like, homework is disproportionately stressful for me if
that makes sense?? like i probably spent at least 15 hours total working on that essay. and i still don't even know if i will get
full points on it. because i am literally so bad at writing :(. anyway i probably need therapy but i shall not be doing that since
i do not have enough money. well hopefully whoever reads my complaining journal entry will not judge me for being upset about
random insignificant things.
5:50pm
bleghbhbhhggh i need to do homework and i am so exhausted and i do not even know why. i got basically enough sleep and mostly sat
around all day except when i went to confession and had an arbys chicken sandwich earlier and then worked on homework for an hour.
i feel like i could just fall asleep right this very second. i shall make a list of my homeworks for today:
1. peer review 3 2. assigment six 3. final review 4. reading assignment 9.1 5. reading assignment 9.2 6. computer extra credit
that is six assignments!
for this weekend/soon:
1. essay final draft 2. cultural artifact 3. study computer 4. study math for 1000 hours so that i do not fail the math final
anyway i am exhausted so i am going to go sleep for a while. i am so tired.
9:45am
yay i have now created the complain page, which is this page. this is my journal for when i am in a bad mood or having a bad day.
today i am having a bad day because i woke up having terrible cramps because you know why -_-. i also have been feeling nauseous
during meal times for the last week or so, and same with today. i don't want to eat anything but i'm starving at the same time.
anyway i came downstairs this morning to get a drink of water and my mom and dad both seem really stressed. my dad is stressed
because i don't have my homework done and my mom is stressed because her leg is bothering her. so they immediately start trying to
come up with a homework plan for me. but i had woke up like 5 minutes ago and hadn't even like used the bathroom or put on
deodorant or anything so it's really stressful!! anyway then my parents nicely got me some saltines and tea though, and then my
sister called the home phone. my mom picked up the phone and then i heard her say that i have a lot of homework so i probably can't
talk :(. i was so sad but my dad said i am allowed to talk to her for 15 minutes. once it was 15 minutes my dad came to get the
phone. he thinks my homework is more important. but i only get to talk to my sister once a week so i was really sad :( and i am so
lonely every day because my parents are usually gone somewhere and i don't have a winifred anymore :(