12:07pm
ONE THING that really bothers me is when people literally can't make decisions without using ai. ok like i do use
ai a lot, but i don't TRUST it. the other day my dad was trying to get me to let my brother use my old laptop so he
can look at a pdf and i was like sure he can use it if he uses his own account on it. so we were trying to make a
new account but it wouldn't let us. and my dad looked up something on copilot and copilot was like "oh maybe you
should do a hard reset! just hold down the refresh button and the power button at the same time! don't worry it
won't delete your data :)" so my dad was basically about to do that!!!! and i said "don't do it!" because i still
have like a bunch of data on this laptop! and my dad was like "but it won't do anything bad it just restarts the
computer" and i was like "ok look up what happens if you press the refresh and power buttons on a
chromebook!!!!!!!!" and ofc he got the ai out to ask the ai, and i had to be like "no look it up on the actual
internet not the ai" and sure enough, the internet was like "oh yes if you press those buttons it will powerwash
your computer and everything will be deleted from it!" LIKE SEE THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD ACTUALLY FACT CHECK THE
THINGS THE AI SAYS! everything from my chromebook would have been deleted! to be fair this was like a chromebook i
haven't used since middle school so it probably doesn't have anything very important on it, but still! i am so
frustrated by this. i am not like against ai or anything because i really like ai (in my family it's basically
controversial to not like ai especially around my dad and my brothers). oh and the other day i was telling my dad
how bothered i was when i heard a song that sounded exactly like a human singing it and had lyrics and background
music that seemed catchy and melodic, but it was made by ai. and he was like "well but you liked it so it can't be
bad" how is it not bad?! the person "making" this music was not honest about it being ai-generated, and yes i think
ai-generated music is interesting because it is impressive and amazing that a machine could produce music. but not
being able to tell it apart from human music is really really bad (in my opinion). like, any piece of art is about
the artist and viewer communicating through the art piece, if there even is a viewer in the first place. if no
viewer, then it is just self-expression. but since most people just see art as something for them to consume
instead of something actually meaningful! and i know y'all will be like "oh so you're saying it should be forbidden
to generate ai stuff" well no i am not saying that because it can be entertaining to see what the ai will produce,
and a lot of times i have made ai images and even music kind of (i told ai dungeon a bunch of notes from a song and
had it generate some more note names and then i put them in a sheet music website lol the music did not sound good)
and occasionally when i really need to visualize a character or something i might use an ai image generator like
wombo dream (i used to be obsessed with wombo dream lol) but even back then it was about the fact that ai is really
cool and amazing! like i would go around showing my family "LOOK WHAT THE AI DID" (because back then they did not
care about ai at all and they probably thought it was dumb) and they would be like "ooo cool" like i literally
never claimed i was the one who created the picture! and people have the audacity to compare image-generating ai to
a compiler. programmers aren't out here claiming that they were in the computer making the cpu work! being a
programmer literally means you write the code and the computer runs it! having the computer "do it for you" is
literally how programming works, but it's not how art works. i mean that is just an extremely stupid analogy that
i saw on the internet. i was absolutely SCANDALIZED as a programmer when i saw that. like how dare you compare
those two things! i love compilers. ANYWAY that is my complaint for today, it was a bit of an angry rambling thing
but like i definitely use ai but i can't believe that human made music and art basically has no value to some
people it's really sad. like my 2 favorite skills (drawing and programming) are basically obsolete and if i ever
become a data scientist it will be the most depressing and mind numbing thing ever because according to my dad and
oldest brother (who are both fancy software engineers) i will literally have no choice but to use ai to write code
every single day for everything because otherwise i will fall behind and probably get fired or whatever. like the
entire reason i wanted to be a data scientist is because i love programming and math lol like you're saying i won't
even get to do my job when i have a job? at least if i get married i hopefully won't have to work, and i can do
important things like raising kids and ai can't really do that. i mean maybe there will be no husbands left by that
time because all the men have an ai wife lol. ok i am being dramatic but i'm annoyed so just let me complain lol
ok so kind of want to start learning how to cook because my parents basically just make food for me. and i do not
necessarily always like the food they make, so they're like "argh you're such a picky eater" which is true. but the
problem is that i know exactly what food i would make if i made it for myself, aka i would open the cookbook to the
first page and just cook the cookbook in order?? because i need to do everything in order because it is more
satisfying than arbitrarily skipping around to whatever food you think looks nice at the time. and i would even
tolerate a less delicious meal if i knew that at least it was the next recipe in the cookbook!! but every time i ask
my parents about this, they're like "no you shouldn't cook recipes from the cookbook, because some recipes require
more skill." like ok??? then i will get more skilled at it i guess?? and another thing they say is that some recipes
need perishable ingredients, and it will just go bad. which that is a bit of a problem and i still don't know how to
figure it out. because wasting food is bad, but also i don't want to only ever eat frozen store bought meals like
i've been doing my entire life. i want to be a cooking person who makes delicious food and eats it deliciously.
ughhhh why is everything so inconvenient!! i also have a problem with portion sizes from the store, like if you could
just buy the exact amount you need it would be so much easier and you wouldn't have to worry about wasting food!! it
is so frustrating!! i am mostly frustrated because i have been evaluating my values and i realized i value being self
sufficient so i am scheduling some cooking onto my list, but i also am going to do my schedule today, which means if
i am going to be a cook i have to ask my mom, and then she will probably be really stressed about it. also another
problem i have is that i do not have a job so if i buy ingredients i am using my parents money!! and i feel really
guilty about it. i am really going to try and get a job this summer, because my dad gives me like a $70 allowance
(my older siblings convinced him to) but i feel really bad about it because he's also paying for my college and i
keep failing my classes and having to retake them, which means more money into the college, and my dad is retiring in
a year or two because he's a bit old, and he wouldn't have to work so much if it wasn't for my college, and he
basically has like a disability and it gets worse when he's stressed and his job is really stressful. so i am
indirectly being a bad family member because i keep not doing well in school and using up everyone's money and i
just want to get a job, and to be honest i want to pay for my own college but whenever i've brought it up my dad says
he's been saving up money for my college since before i even was born, but that makes me feel even worse!! and the
other day i also mentioned that i don't really need an allowance and that i'm just going to get a job, but he
basically just ignored me. so like i hate everything and i want to run away and be my own independent person and all
my mistakes can be my own responsibility instead of someone else's. i hate depending on people!! depending on people
is the worst ever ok??? i do not want to let people down. anyway that is why i am STRESSED currently! ok goodbye.
9:57am
>:(
1:55pm
i literally laid in bed until basically 2pm today. i spent most of yesterday writing my stupid overdue essay so today i have zero
mental energy and mostly just doom scrolled :/ i am trying to figure out a way to block youtube on the home network without
blocking youtube music or being able to bypass it with vpn. because i always end up watching youtube shorts for a very long time.
also the internet makes me feel insecure because there are always toxic people on there, which is annoying because i was just
starting to not be as insecure! at least it is better than like 2-3 years ago when the same thing would happen but i would force
myself to read toxic comments all day because i thought i just deserve to feel insecure and hate myself or whatever. i am very
amazed that i got out of being depressed just by doing a bunch of excessive journalling and not going to therapy at all lol. maybe
because i did try going to therapy but the lady was a bit nasty. like i remember i told her "yeah sometimes its really hard for me
to focus and i'm never motivated so i just end up playing minecraft forever" and she was like "wow playing minecraft is super
childish for someone your age." which ok maybe she wasn't trying to be mean, but she had this condescending tone about it. and ofc
i had already low self esteem bc literally everyone always calls me immature. also like teens are a huge part of the minecraf
-playing demographic so idk where she was coming from. and it was a really embarrassing experience in general so then i was like,
i am never going to go to therapy ever!! i mean, why would i want to be vulnerable like that with some stranger (cause she also
asked me about like my love life and random stuff and i ended up crying and things because ofc i was not over my stupid ex). but
lately i keep thinking like maybe i should go to therapy because i am kind of unstable and have a really bad lifestyle that
involves laying in bed until 2pm because of being mentally drained. and like, homework is disproportionately stressful for me if
that makes sense?? like i probably spent at least 15 hours total working on that essay. and i still don't even know if i will get
full points on it. because i am literally so bad at writing :(. anyway i probably need therapy but i shall not be doing that since
i do not have enough money. well hopefully whoever reads my complaining journal entry will not judge me for being upset about
random insignificant things.
5:50pm
bleghbhbhhggh i need to do homework and i am so exhausted and i do not even know why. i got basically enough sleep and mostly sat
around all day except when i went to confession and had an arbys chicken sandwich earlier and then worked on homework for an hour.
i feel like i could just fall asleep right this very second. i shall make a list of my homeworks for today:
1. peer review 3 2. assigment six 3. final review 4. reading assignment 9.1 5. reading assignment 9.2 6. computer extra credit
that is six assignments!
for this weekend/soon:
1. essay final draft 2. cultural artifact 3. study computer 4. study math for 1000 hours so that i do not fail the math final
anyway i am exhausted so i am going to go sleep for a while. i am so tired.
9:45am
yay i have now created the complain page, which is this page. this is my journal for when i am in a bad mood or having a bad day.
today i am having a bad day because i woke up having terrible cramps because you know why -_-. i also have been feeling nauseous
during meal times for the last week or so, and same with today. i don't want to eat anything but i'm starving at the same time.
anyway i came downstairs this morning to get a drink of water and my mom and dad both seem really stressed. my dad is stressed
because i don't have my homework done and my mom is stressed because her leg is bothering her. so they immediately start trying to
come up with a homework plan for me. but i had woke up like 5 minutes ago and hadn't even like used the bathroom or put on
deodorant or anything so it's really stressful!! anyway then my parents nicely got me some saltines and tea though, and then my
sister called the home phone. my mom picked up the phone and then i heard her say that i have a lot of homework so i probably can't
talk :(. i was so sad but my dad said i am allowed to talk to her for 15 minutes. once it was 15 minutes my dad came to get the
phone. he thinks my homework is more important. but i only get to talk to my sister once a week so i was really sad :( and i am so
lonely every day because my parents are usually gone somewhere and i don't have a winifred anymore :(